It begins with a fleeting distraction, triggered by something I see. My thoughts begin to wander from the television show I am watching. I start to fidget and walk over to the fridge to browse. Nothing that will help me there! Back to the TV – I try to refocus. It lasts for a minute or two.
The colours crowd my mind with desire. I’ll just look – that’ll be OK. But can I just look? The colours suggest texture and taste. I feel the craving begin to burn. I know I can’t just look but I’m going to try. I open it and discover with dismay that some of my friends have been, while I was watching TV. Well, that can’t happen again!
I’ll just try one! I think I can do that. As I sample the first, I know it will once again lead me down the path of 2, 3, 4 ….. I’ve been here before. The joy of that first is never enough. But I can stop whenever I want – I have before. Even for a whole month!
The memory of returning, after that month felt so good but I was annoyed that my friends hadn’t stopped with me! I no longer thought about them, other than to wait for them to provide for me. Why couldn’t they see my need? Why did I have to wait so long for their gifts? If they were really my friends they would readily share – as I do with them.
I have other things to do but I they are secondary until I have had my want fulfilled. And so it begins. I scour the internet for ways to be supplied. And, at the same time, ways to stop! Everyday there are new suggestions for both. Which will work for me? Try them all until success is mine.
I succumb to the feeling of peace within. But that doesn’t last long. I begin to justify to myself. I live alone. No one is getting hurt. I can still function. I’m not a bad person. Soon become – I missed dinner? I probably didn’t need it! Where did that time go? Do I have to have a shower if I’m staying at home?
Then it happens. My supplier will be out of action for a few days, needs fixing. I can do this. The reality hits me hard.
No Candy Crush Saga for a week!