This week is Mental Heath Awareness Week in Queensland, Australia.
Usually, I find it uplifting and helpful but for some reason – not this year! I feel totally disconnected from myself and my needs (and they are many, believe me). The world and those who live here, are colouring my view of myself and the things I am supposed to be doing.
Yesterday, I had got up at 6:15am and showered and even dressed ready for work, when I looked down and saw that my feet were so swollen I couldn’t get any shoes on. So I went and lay down on my bed, propped my feet and legs up on pillows and dozed for a couple of hours but as soon as I stood up … balloon feet once again! I decided then and there that I would lie on the couch, in the air conditioning, with my feet up for the rest of the day! Which is exactly what I did.
Today I got up at 6:15am, showered and washed my hair, found suitable clothes to wear for work but didn’t get dressed, rather because I was feeling so physically “off”, I laid down on my bed and the next time it looked at the time it was 11:15am!!! I had been in bed before midnight (a reasonable time for me) and had slept right through until 6:15am when my alarm went off. So I can’t blame lack of sleep – hello depression!
It is now mid afternoon and I still haven’t eaten because I really need to go grocery shopping and if I shop on an empty stomach, I will buy all measure of evil food rather than healthy suitable food. But I really don’t have much food in my fridge/pantry …. and on and on the vicious cycle goes. Of course, there is my upset stomach to consider as well – so I am steaming up some potatoes to eat.
I missed bin day – it was today, and already the rubbish is beginning share it’s odour with the cat’s litter tray that also needs changing! All these things need to be dealt with but all I really want to do is lie on the couch and watch TV. That’s not even possible because about a week ago my television stopped working and I think I worked out that the extended warranty ran out a couple of months ago. This what an almost functioning, depressed me looks like.
Welcome to Mandy’s Mental Health Awareness Week!