After almost a month, I’m back online but probably not in as good a shape as I had hoped for. When you decide to take your brain for a holiday ….. things don’t always go to plan! I certainly got a break but the hope that my medication would have settled into a nice calm brain just has not happened! My fault entirely, due to the fact I accidentally left my meds at home when I went away for a week in the country and was unable to get a replacement script sent to me, for a plethora of annoying reasons! This means that I spent the week with some withdrawal symptoms and ended up completely drug free again! Today I began the gradual return to taking them – with the hope that the going back on symptoms are better than the going off cold turkey!! So you see, I really have no idea if my creative mind will be functioning properly or not but I am going to start posting again anyway. I just ask that you be patient with me.
I did, however, have some new experiences, go to some new places, see some movies, listen to some great music, drink some good wine, spend time with some of my favourite people and filled my imagination with the beauty of the world around me. I’m just hoping that when the time comes to write up my notes, creatively, my brain will be functioning properly again. I had a wonderful time visiting Jenny From the Farm – who should really now be known as Wonder Jenny!! There will be a full follow up post on her later but needless to say she is doing amazingly well.
I visited the small country towns of Maclagan (my first home when moving to Australia in 1981), Dalby, Bell (a beautiful little town that I hadn’t been to before), drove through Oakey and caught the bus home from Toowoomba. All these towns are on the Darling Downs and for 4 years were my home territory. It was a huge culture shock for this city girl to move to a dairy farming area, in January 1981. But that is where my husband of 6 weeks was sent for work and the people there were warm and loving and patient with us city kids! After 31 years since we moved away, I still find my way back to the people who took me under their wings and taught me how to be a wife, a pastor’s wife and a mother when my first baby arrived while living there.
Each time I visit, I learn more about who I am as a person today and why I am the way I am. It was the first place that my depression really had an impact on my life. It was where I suffered a miscarriage and post natal depression after the birth of BossBoy. I am, also, reminded of who I was in my early to mid twenties ….. I was fearless and cheeky and fun to be around – all things that have slipped away from my day to day present life and should be brought back! Reminiscing about those days is always fun and each time I go back to Maclagan I learn something new that I said or did or wore, that was outrageous then and probably still would be today …. especially if I was still the pastor’s wife!!
Sometimes, I shock myself – like the time I apparently told one of blokes in the town that I had always wondered what it would be like to have sex in a hammock!!!!!! It has taken 31 years for someone to remind me of this, after I meet the bloke at church last Sunday and reintroduced myself to him and was telling someone else that I was surprised by his comment of “Oh yes, I remember, Mandy!” Later that afternoon, it came out why he remembered me ….. the hammock statement! I can’t for the life of me remember saying it but have no problems believing that I would have said it BUT what really intrigues me is, what kind of conversation was I having with this bloke (now in his 70’s) to make a statement like that????? The mind boggles! I wish I could discover more of that fearless, cheeky, 25 year old when I look into my tired 57 year old body and mind. I know she is in there somewhere.
By the way – I am still wondering what it would be like to sex in a hammock!