I woke early this morning, before 5am and have been sitting looking at my computer screen for over 3 hours now! I was thinking that my brain feels like a worn out, jumbled, tired mess this morning that I won’t post today …. BUT then I remembered that it is still Mental Health Awareness Week and by posting, I can continue my quest to remove the stigma about the issues that surround this illness.
I am, once again, on the roller coaster of medication transition – on/off/on – if you are not up to date with the reasons, you can catch up here.
Because of this, my life feels decidedly inconsistent – with a huge side of tired! Some days I function as a functioning person should, some days I don’t. Yesterday was definitely a functioning day, of sorts and when I celebrated with a Facebook status update of …..
All good – I’ve still got mental illness issues! Praise the Lord!!
I’m sure that more than the one friend that commented underneath the status, was surprised …. even shocked that I would praise Good for my poor mental health! Let me explain – yesterday was a functioning day but I needed a Centrelink assessor to see past the fact that I could function under the circumstance of an interview and realise that I am still not fit enough to work or even job seek, until my medication is stable. This was necessary because if the assessor couldn’t see this, I would have my benefit cut off and I would be unfit to work according to my doctors AND have no income – which means I would not be able to afford to continue with my treatment or my medication. For me – at the moment – that would be the absolutely worst thing that could happen! So when the Centrelink psychologist agreed with my own doctors, I praised the Lord! It is, indeed, a tightrope we walk. Actually wanting to get well, or more to the point, stating that I want to get well, has actually gone against me before. So I feel very nervous before these appointments and am very happy when they are over and have gone well.
The topic of suicide has been on my mind this week, with some friends and family having to deal with anniversaries of a loved ones decision or cope with the sudden loss of a friend. The grief and guilt and pain that stays with those left behind has no end. So often we wonder could we have done more? I have no answers. All I know is that too many of us are lost to suicide.
I know that we have to hold on to and for each other. We need to connect and stay connected by whatever means we can. We need to value life and not only tell each other that we value them but show others that we value them.
We need to be there for those left behind. Without judgement! Without a timeline! Without condition! We need to hold and pray and listen and be available – even when we think we have nothing left to give. Because even then, we have more that the people left behind have. Be that hand – outstretched – it might be the only hand offered!
So as Mental Health Week draws to a close, remember that mental illness issues will not be drawing to a close as well! Oh no! These will continue on a day to day basis for many of us. Some days functioning, even functioning well. But on other days, just searching for a hand to grab onto when the pain or grief or confusion gets too much. Consider for a moment whether you could be that hand for someone?
Lifeline Australia – ph 13 11 14