Do you ever feel shallow or lightweight or superficial?
I often feel this way! Usually in the middle of some heavy event or incident that is happening to me. It’s as if my mind (and body) just says “Enough, already! Enough, I tell you! No more!!” And then for the next however long I become obsessed with some pop culture ‘thing’ – be it music, art, TV show, movie, person, social media or activity! I addictively devour everything I can find out about the current ‘thing’ – until I begin to feel guilty about my obsession, push it aside and plough back into reality once again.
During these times of obsession, I continue to live my life and be a productive human being, fully aware of what is happening in the world around me. I still have strong opinions and feel the hurts and joys around me but my spare time is spent zoning out with whatever is my current obsession. It’s almost like a protective film comes down over me and I can pretend, for a short time, that the world around doesn’t exist!
Most of the time, my obsessions are socially acceptable and can be shared and talked about with my kids and friends. Sometimes, they make me a cool Mum and give an entrance into conversations with my friend’s kids or my kid’s friends. Examples of this might be television shows like Game of Thrones or The Night Manager; online games such as Candy Crush or even a few years ago the World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) or any other sport you can think of! Many an interesting discussion has ensued on or around these and many other topics. And often times I have felt gratified that I could contribute to the discussion when some of my friends have nothing to say on these water cooler topics. I am useful in a pub quiz team, though!
Every now and then, I almost certainly become an embarrassment to my Boys, my wider family, my friends … and even myself, if I’m honest! It may be more often than ‘every now and then’ – because the people around me do tend to be exceedingly polite!! I usually find out if I’ve overstepped, by a statement spoken to me, that makes me stop and think. It may not change my behaviour immediately but it will cause me to withdraw and have a good think about myself.
“Mum! You are obsessed! You are acting like a teenage girl at the moment!”
That’s the kind of statement that will do it! Especially when you are a 57 year old mother of sons, ages ranging from 24 – 33 years! Of course, the reference above was made about my current obsession and celeb crush, Tom Hiddleston, who happens to be only two years older than my oldest son ….. too creepy? Really? Damn!! Okay, so explain to me how being a single woman that finds a gorgeous movie star, hunky is so wrong? Nothing wrong with that – right? So maybe it is the fact of finding and watching every single thing he has ever been in ….. repeatedly, that is so wrong? But he does the best Shakespeare – ever! Or could it be downloading 42 pictures of him as my slideshow screen saver on my laptop? Or is it that I have his face as my mobile phone wallpaper? Okay, okay …. when I write it down, I can see it!
Is it because I am living alone or am lonely or am sexually frustrated or am just a massive dreamer? With these questions to the forefront of my mind today, I did what any self respecting 57 year old teenager would do …. I asked my doctor, who also happens to be a male, in his mid thirties! His reply was classic! He firstly asked who this Tom Hiddleston person was and when I showed him a picture from my phone (see I knew that photo would be useful one day) he simply said well you’re not dead, you know!!!! Hah – justification from a health professional! I also asked my youngest son, the other day and he informed me that this was not new behaviour on my behalf and that I had been acting like this for years! It was part of who I was.
I began wondering if it had gotten worse since Adrian’s death. When I thought about it, the answer to that came back, an emphatic – NO! In 2008, on our wedding anniversary, I went to my first Robbie Williams concert with friends. Adrian was too ill to come but he was very happy for me to go because Robbie Williams was my obsession and celeb crush at the time. I still love Robbie to bits – but he got married the year I became single and I have never really forgiven him for that!! Anyway, back to my story, when I returned from the concert, I was buzzing and in lust and what had my dear husband done but stuck laminated pictures of Robbie all over our bedroom walls!! Adrian didn’t mind his 49 year old wife, being like a teenager at all. In fact, he said that it just meant he had less work to do when I got home!!!!!!! I still have pictures of Robbie up in my house today!
My very first obsessive celeb crush happened when I was about 12 or 13 and I first heard the song Maggie May by Rod Stewart in 1971. I guess I acted like an obsessed teenager for the next 45 years. I fell hard for Rod and saw him live in concert multiple times – the last time being last year and I loved him as much then as at my first Rod Stewart concert in 1979. I was totally devastated when Rod married Alana Stewart in 1979 and only just forgave him for his marriage to Rachel Hunter in 1990 because she was a fellow New Zealander like me! By Penny Lancaster in 2007, I had realised that my legs were never ever going to be long enough for Rod.
I am noticing a theme – if you are a male from the UK, look out – you may just be my type!
Where do I go with all this? Absolutely nowhere. My kid’s and a lot of their friends tell me I am a young Mum in thoughts and attitude and a taxi driver in Berlin last week, told me I looked around 40! So, if having obsessions about hot men (including ex All Black Captains) or Candy Crush or singers with husky voices or Social Media keeps me young and gives my mind a break from dealing with the hard stuff all the time …. I will be continuing to act like a teenager!
But Tom ….. Taylor Swift ….. really?
How on earth is a 57 year old teenager supposed to compete with her?