Nine months ago, I wrote a post about the stress and anxiety of changing my GP. I called it Blind Date, because that is exactly what it felt like for me. It went well and much has changed and improved with my mental health.
Pushing through fear, rather than pushing it away or trying to hide or deny it, is worth it. Where fear is too big, I immediately see STOP! I can’t picture myself, pushing through it so I simply won’t try. FAILURE! The key for me, is to overcome smaller manageable fears, that either lead to or make up the big fear. If I can focus on the smaller steps I can usually make it to the top.
This week I have been on 3 blind dates …. yes, you read correctly 3!! It’s been really hard but I have made it to the end of the week. I now have 3 new sets of eyes and brains and expertise to help me on my journey to better health and to grow my ability to live a more fulfilling life. FEAR and FAILURE have been words that I have expressed a lot this week. But by saying them out loud and writing them down and telling each health professional at the get go, I have been able to push through the feelings and anxiety and have kept moving forward towards the person and place I want to be.
I don’t really like change but I am learning that some change is good for me. I don’t often choose it as an option but if like this week, your Psychologist produces her new bub unexpectedly, 7 weeks early, before she had gone on maternity leave …. the choice is made for you! I feel sad that I couldn’t tell Dr R what she means to me and how much I am thankful for her patience and guidance over the last 2 years. We had, however, talked about the perception of doctor/ patient / friend that occurs between psychologists and their clients. We had discussed that when you have seen someone regularly every 2 weeks for 2 years AND told them your deepest darkest thoughts, a feeling of loss and grief is an acceptable thing. See – small steps leading through big fears!
I feel so grateful for all that Dr R has helped me to learn about myself. She has given me many tools and strategies that I will build on with my new doctor, Dr A. She reminded me, (because I really knew these things all along), that I am worthy of compassion and deserve to show love to myself. That I can trust myself to make sound decisions and see things through to completion. That my harshest critic is myself and that I need to see myself as others see me. It was Dr R that encouraged me to begin The Mandy Diaries because she felt I had words that others might connect with.
The other 2 blind dates? Well, they are for another time to share. But, needless to say, I am pushing through fear and I am moving forward to the place I want to be.
How are you going with your fears?
Do you choose change by choice?
Please share your thoughts in the comments section below because a blog is really a conversation.