Tired! Exhausted! Worn out!
Then there is knackered (slang), bushed, buggered (slang), weary, fatigued, dead, beat, burned out, pooped (slang), jaded, spent, stuffed (slang) and f*cked (just plain rude)!
All of these words describe how I feel most of the time! However, none of them, when I use them, refer to the bone achingly done in feeling that comes after hard physical labour or exercise of any kind! Not that I have never felt that way – I have! But at the moment, my tiredness is ruled and controlled by my mind and NOT my body. I actually, long to feel that physical tiredness but I am continually living at crawl pace because my mental exhaustion debilitates me so.
Sleep is not something that comes easily for me. I am both an early riser and a late nighter. For years I have woken during the night – so therefore what sleep I get, doesn’t leave me feeling refreshed when I wake. Finding the correct temperature at night is often a challenge, with the night sweats of menopause not helping.
As a child, my parents soon observed that I was a good sleeper and a heavy sleeper. As long as I had my thumb in my mouth and my cuddly rug in my hand, I would and could sleep anywhere! You don’t know how many times I have thought about taking both these childhood habits up again as an adult!!!!
Sleep has always been one of my stress releases – the other ……. talking! Yes I know, surprising isn’t it!! I went through a period during Intermediate School and early High School, where I had a series of sporting injuries …. yes I played sport and was good at it!
My Mum tells me that on trips to the hospital to have plaster cast changes, I would chatter all the way during the bus trip there and back, then come home and sleep for a few hours. They found that it was pointless to send me back to school on those days because sleep was what I needed. As a young adult, if I had too many late nights, I became grumpy and just needed to sleep on a regular basis, to become a contributing member of society once again. It wasn’t hard to catch up as a child or a teenager.
But then the babies started arriving and the next 10 or so years were a blur of sleep deprivation. I tried to “sleep when your baby sleeps” – yeah right, that really works …. if you have toddlers as well or if you remotely care about your house or husband! That tiredness was a mixture of physical and mental tiredness but it does come to an end ….. unless you decide to spread your family out over a longer period than usual. Like we did! Our last baby wasn’t even born when the early morning swimming training was occurring and at the other end – late night teenage dances and party pick ups began. Add to this the necessity of returning to work at nights and not long after, a newly diagnosed husband with cancer. My sleep or inability to sleep, patterns were set!
Twenty years on …. I am still needing sleep as my number one stress release and I am still knackered! I have attempted many suggested cures for my unhelpful sleep habits. I have turned off my technology early. I have tried regularity in my going to sleep and waking up times. I do not drink coffee – at all! I’ve tried prayer and meditation. Warm showers. Writing down my thoughts before I go to bed. I have block out curtains. I’ve adjusted the temperature in my room – down. Blah blah blah ….. everything works for a while – nothing works for any length of time!
I am continually amazed at how I can drop off to sleep at the wrong time, in the wrong place if I allow myself. Often after waking at between 4 & 5am, I feel my eyelids drooping at home around 8am or at work at around 10am!! In church – sermon time – sleep time! In the middle of an exciting TV show – sleep time! And then the reverse happens in bed! Eyes wide open. Mind going a hundred miles an hour. Sleep nowhere to be found. Anxiety is a bitch. There is no other word for it. It sucks all the life from me and leaves me … Tired! Exhausted! Worn out! Knackered! Bushed! Buggered! Weary! Fatigued! Dead! Beat! Burned out! Pooped! Jaded! Spent! Stuffed! F*cked!
How about you? Care to share your sleep stories or tips?