To Write Or Not To Write – That Is The Question!

For someone that loves to write, I sure do hate writing down things that may cause me to have to be accountable!

Creative writing … yes please;  retelling a story … why of course;  describing a place, person or incident … my pleasure.  Listing the actual food I eat each day … no thanks;  making note of how I spend my money … I don’t think so;  even journaling the steps I use to work through any anxiety that may come my way when health issues are involved … you can’t be serious?

This week I’ve had plenty of time to think about this contradiction, as I have been at home with a tummy bug.  Yes, it is much better thank you very much … and how was your week?  Changing the subject?  Avoiding the topic?  Me?  Never!!

all-the-stuff

To write creatively is exciting and energising (mostly) and clarifying for me.  It helps me sort out my thoughts and feelings and the direction I want to go.  I try to always be truthful in my writing.  Even if, at times, it may be embarrassing for me or challenging for you, the readers.  I feel able to lay my life out on a page, for you all to share, in the hope that you might feel like you are not alone.   So that you know there is someone else making the same mistakes as you.  Experiencing the same joys as you!  Feeling the same frustrations as you!  Laughing at the same stupidity as you!

What is it that holds me back from being a truth-teller to myself, about myself, concerning the Big 3?

  • Food
  • Money
  • Health

When I write down goals or lists or journals or diaries about these things, I am the only one who will see them!  Do I not trust myself enough to share my inner most desires with myself?  Do I have to remind myself that they are my thoughts and words, from my brain!  I already know the stuff … I thought it up!!!!!  Who am I scared of shocking?  Me?  It is ridiculous that I think this way.  Lying to myself, through avoidance is not going to move me forward and I need to move forward.

It is easy for me to be accountable to the world by writing about it here on my blog.   But I need to be accountable to myself, here at my kitchen table.  I need to be honest with myself about my shortcomings.  I need to ask the questions of myself that need to be asked.  And more importantly, I need to answer the questions that need to be answered.  It’s the fear of those answers that cause me to stagnate.   The really crazy thing is that because I haven’t asked those questions or taken the necessary tests or added up the sums – I could actually be in a better position than I think I am!

accountable

 

How are you when it comes to accountability?

Are you able to be ruthlessly honest with yourself?  Or do you bargain your resolve into oblivion?

 

Mandy

Hi, I'm Mandy! Wandering my way through life using words. Family and friends. Connection and community. I care. I write. I share. I post every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and if you'd like receive updates via email please click HERE.

3 Comments
  1. I can be honest with myself, but I’ve stopped being ruthless with myself. There’s stuff we’ve all done (or didn’t do) that has got us to where we are now but be kind to yourself, you did the best you could at the time 🙂

  2. True but the time has come for me to have an honest look into some things that I believe are holding me back. I want to keep moving …

  3. It so easy to blame a situation or another person for an off a lance way of thinking therefore not acknowledging accountability !! All done that!!
    We have to remember we are creating our every minute living! But sometimes we can think too much and need to clear the mind of crazy thoughts and let it all go.

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