Yesterday, Today, Forever.

Yesterday, I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist and we talked about some strategies to help me to get through the next few days which include the 8th Anniversary of Adrian’s death on the 14 April and his birthday on the 16 April.  One of the things we decided on, was to actually give myself a sad day!  A day when I don’t fight to keep the sadness at bey but rather just let it come, sit with it, cry, watch sad movies, listen to sad music, look at pictures that make me sad – let the sadness engulf me, really feel it and live it!  I’ve decided that Friday will probably be the day for that.  Being alone is probably the best for that day.

Another important thing we talked about was memories.  As the years pass, I feel that there are less and less people that knew Adrian as an individual; us as a couple; the boys and us as a family.  As family members pass away, there are less people to share memories with and this scares me.  What if I forget about all the differences that made up my one of a kind Adrian?  Are there memories that I should be keeping to share with the future grandchildren, that I don’t even know?  Maybe, someone has an important memory that I don’t know about because it didn’t happen with me – but it is funny or wonderful or quirky or just eye rollingly Adrian.

With this in mind, my Psychiatrist and I came up with the idea to use my blog and FaceBook page to ask you to share anything, big or little, a memory you have of Adrian, share them with me through comments and/or photos.  If you have never read my blog before and you knew Adrian, read it today.  But don’t just read it – contribute a memory!  It doesn’t matter if you think I already know it, it may have slipped my mind.  If you didn’t know Adrian well but were at our wedding – what do you remember about that day?  If you knew him before me – all the better!  If your parents aren’t on FaceBook but have memories, please share them for them.  Did you play footy or tennis with him?  Were you in a band with him?  Did he marry you?  Did you live at Sem with him?  Did he teach you music?  Was he your friend?  Did you know him through Rotary or Swimming Club?  Share a memory!

Happy memories, fun memories, deep memories, sad memories, annoying memories.  Help me to replenish my Adrian Memory Bank over the next few days.  If you are not someone that shares on social media, I’m asking you to please make an exception just this once.  I need your help with this.  While talking about this in therapy yesterday, I felt a subtle lifting of the dreaded black dog that has been my companion for the last few weeks.  So just imagine how much of a help it will be once the memories are shared?

With anticipation ….

Mandy

Hi, I’m Mandy! Wandering my way through life using words. Family and friends. Connection and community. I care. I write. I share. I post every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and if you’d like receive updates via email please click HERE.

11 Comments
  1. Here is one you might not know about Mandy how Chris first met Adrian.

    As German Consul I was having a discussion with one of my flock in the car park at Good News. During the course of this discussion a long haired bohemian hippy type turned up and attached himself to us. I of course was in full flight about something or other and in my usual fashion was dropping more than a few swear words and the hippie just kept on standing there and occasionally joining in. After about an hour and a half and following a particularly ripe passage of my conversation my German said to me “ you DO know Pastor Adrian don’t you?”. Imagine my shock, horror and total embarrassment when I replied “No but I bloody well do now!”.

    Here endeth the lesson.

  2. I left memories on your facebook page the other day! I knew we both needed this at this time. But one more, he was a good fatherly person to me, we used to hang out, talk about our days and he would always call me when he needed help xx

    1. Thank you for doing that Megs. All your keywords brought back a happy memory.
      He loved you very much as the daughter we never had but most especially as a wonderful friend! x

  3. Hi Mandy, I first met Adrian in 1978 when he was at Sem and I was a fresh new face at LTC. He used to knock around with John Weier and John Asenstorfer, and we used to visit them in Graebner Hall a bit. My first impression was that Adrian was knock-out good looking! (I thought he was gorgeous!) I remember having grilled steak in one of their rooms one night! I think John A. had a vertical grill! Anyway after that first year, I didn’t see those boys all that much, except for occasional dinner time conversations at the refec. I guess we must have moved on to new friendship circles.

    Years later, in 1985, John and I, newly married, joined Good News congregation, when we still worshipped in the Kindy. (I remember packing the chairs away each week!) I remember Adrian saying to us, when we were considering joining the congregation (a no-brainer, really), that sometimes you should consider what you can offer to a church, rather than what it can offer you. I guess that made me feel valued and appreciated and that he thought we had something to contribute! Needless to say, we joined!

    I remember a church camp we all went on, too…can’t remember where it was. The Saturday night session became really intense (can’t remember what about!), but people ended up upset and crying, but it brought us all closer together…a good bonding session.

    John and I were in a church drama group in those days and Adrian invited our little “Truep” to present some skits at an evening service. They were all quite random, but he did an excellent job of weaving them together with relevant Bible passages and comments in between. In fact, one of our group said that she felt he did the best job of any pastor, ever, in fulfilling that role. (Go Adrian!)

    Another fun night was when you, Adrian, Lyn Muller and her husband (Ron?) came over to our humble little home in Ashgrove for a “Dinners for Eight” night (although we only had six!). It was a night of hilarious story sharing and such an enjoyable, riotous evening. I remember that “Titanic Tits” featured somehow in the conversation! Your comment in our visitors book, Mandy, was: “Truly Titanic Tea. Ta!” (I actually remember that and didn’t even have to look it up!).

    The most moving memory I have of Adrian was just after June Hammer died. I know that he was an incredible support to both June and her whole family over the time of her illness. I think June died on the Saturday (is that right?), then Adrian had to bravely lead the church service the following morning, leaving the announcement that June had passed away until right at the end of the service. He was amazing – so steady and strong, through the whole service, all the time holding the knowledge that many others had no idea about. Every-one was talking about his incredible courage after the service. I don’t know to this day how he managed to do that!

    Any-way, they are my main memories of Adrian! Thinking of you, Mandy, with love and prayers as you process all these memories. May God hold you closely as you journey through the tough times. Praying for strength and joy. Remember that you bring sparkle and light into the lives of others, too! Love, Astrid.

    1. Oh Astrid, thank you so much for your words. They mean so much to me. Adrian owned a vertical grill when I married him! I wonder if he fed us both from the same grill!!! LOL!!! I also remember that Truep performance at that service. It’s so good to see you guys occasionally still being dramatic in front of the church these days. I’m sorry but I don’t remember the Titanic Tea but would be pretty sure it would have been me with the inappropriate “Titanic Tits” phrase, probably after red wine had been consumed – sorry! June’s death was a big one. I couldn’t be in church to support him that morning as I was at home looking after June’s boys. His strength was amazing and I remember the morning of her funeral, walking into his study to find screwed up bits of paper everywhere. I was so worried he wouldn’t have a sermon written but when he preached later that day, I couldn’t believe what a great job he had done.
      Astrid, thank you so much for taking the time to type out your thoughts. I appreciate it so much and I hope my boys will get a more rounded picture of their dad.

  4. Hi Mandy, my memory is not as good as Astrid’s for long term things, although you would thing something like “Titanic Tits” would be something my brain would like to retain. I know how I appreciated how Adrian would use visual aids in his sermons to help put over the point or truth. In those days the technology was the old overhead projector, and I think he used it in most sermons. I remember him as relatively quietly spoken, and generous with his smiles to others. I have to admit that sometimes I was a bit unsure if I really “got” what he was talking about, but maybe that was relatively linear analytic brain, rather than Adrian being unclear in his explanation.

    I cannot imagine how difficult it is take carry on after losing the love of your life and best friend. I am sure the pain is as real today as it was when Adrian first passed away. I want to encourage you to continue to give your love, your care and your humor to those around you, especially your family but to others as well. You are loved, by family, by friends, by church, but most importantly you are perfectly and infallibly loved by Jesus. May God’s comforting Holy Spirit be especially close to you this Good Friday and forever. Love from John

    1. John – I just found your comment in my Trash file!! Maybe God was keeping it for me to find today, when I am having a not so good day? Thank you for your encouragement and don’t feel bad about sometimes not getting what Adrian was talking about … his eccentricity in turn of phrase was something of embarrassment to his sons when he was alive but in his death, has become one of their most favourite memories.

  5. Sent from Neil Kempe

    Whenever I think of Bugs I think of the maroon Torana, (which never had more than $2 of fuel in it at a time – it was like it would be a crime if we ever filled it up) – standing together on the bonnet of said car, talking to the girls from Abba over the motel fence (because only Bugs was smart enough to work out where they’d be) – sitting together on the rolled up nets on the adjacent tennis court at Memorial Drive watching Victor Amaya and Brian Teacher in the final of the 1977 Adelaide Open, trying to kick straight at footy training after many too many wines at Doctorr Pahl’s anniversary lunch, drinking green beer on Reformation Day prior to our assault on the Catholic Seminary over the road, plotting productions with Sing-out, etc. etc. etc. He hit me up for a goal in our first ever grand final win and I was so happy to be able to return the favour and hit him up at the top of the square. We sat for hours in his room listening to Elton, Abba, the Moody Blues, Rick Wakeman and countless others on his reel to reel, and his room was a constant buzz of group sessions surrounding everything from sport to predestination, the incarnation, church politics and… yep… chicks! The lot. Bugs did not have a single person think little of him as far as I knew – and rightly so – he was such a kind person.

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